Licensed

I dreamed all night about bombs outside the courthouse. About the same boring haters with their same boring signs. We speak for Jesus! And we — I mean, Jesus — Jesus hates you! I dreamed about arriving too late. I dreamed about losing my wallet and not being able to provide a picture I.D. and cash. I dreamed we overslept.

The last one actually happened. Gavin-wakes-every-morning-at-6:51 had to be nudged up and we all sprinted out with wet hair and scattered moods. No haters outside the courthouse. Press. Photographers. Laughter. And we followed the revelry indoors to find cookies, coffee, donuts, and ministers with their giant smiles congratulating us. The staff walked up to shake hands and meet the kid. You’re our first family, they all said.

Fuck yeah, man. Fuck yeah. Behind us, a pregnant woman leaned against her wife-to-be. I’m pretty sure I was trembling with nervousness. The clerks kept telling us they were working with all new forms, and they wanted to get it right, so they were taking their time. Yeah. I feel like that’s an apt metaphor. We’ve taken our time getting this right. And we still have miles and miles to go, but goddamn this is a beautiful step.

Mary’s faux-fur coat accentuates her hello, I’m a transplant from the 1950s thing. And the kid in his jaunty cap waving a small rainbow flag. “History is awesome,” he said, midway through his donut. I agree. And it often takes place in a courthouse. Bride. Groom. Spouse. Select one. Designate your gender.

I’m licensed to be married in the state where I live. I can’t tell you how long I’ve dreamed of this, brothers and sisters. I can’t tell you how my heart aches for those of you who live in places where this is not yet true. I can’t tell you how my heart aches. Full. Stop.

We’re getting there. State by state. County by county. We’re getting there. I have the paper to prove it. Signed and everything. The ceremony is on December 15th. And I’ll be thinking of you that day because marriage is about community. I’ll be thinking about how much I love you. Out there in the world. Loving like you can change the fucking planet. City by city. Ceremony by ceremony.

3 thoughts on “Licensed”

  1. I have been sick for the past week. You guys are two of the coolest (yeah, that’s a word!) people I know. I believe in marriage. I’ve been married once. He was a guy I really wanted to be married to…my best friend. It didn’t work out, and now I’m with the right guy. But…I am so happy for you and Mary. Marriage (to me) is the commitment between two people who want to be together, live together, raise children together, and just snuggle together on a quiet Sunday. I’m so proud of you both. I am so happy for you both. I will do all I can to be in Seattle next weekend. I witnessed a marriage between the two of you that felt legitimate last year. I will do all I can to witness the union in a legal way.

  2. I am very happy for you. That happiness also carries deep envy. I live in the state of Florida. It could happen here, I tell myself. Someday. We have been together for 12 years. I would like an official ceremony, with everybody smiling.

  3. congratulations. I’m sorry you had nightmares. I’m glad you had a pleasant welcome with cookies and hugs. the pics were gorgeous. love you and your family!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *