She made me a skull wedding cake. Meet my guest for today’s Marriage Project:
I left my husband on May 11th, 2001, after 5 years and two children. I felt free. I basked in my independence! I fell deeply in love with freedom. Seven hours later I met my best friend, my for reals husband M. He made me feel that I had been missing out on everything love for my entire life. Now filled with awe and adoration, I settled into the role of a complete soul.
Our first year together was filled with world-altering events including 3 Spokane earthquakes (always on a Sunday in the morning, we waited in bed for the earth to shake us awake), a hurricane that seemed to claim only the most impoverished, the infamous 9/11, and the conception of our son. Any one of these events would normally be enough to process in one calendar year. The love and companionship served as a buffer to the outside threats and worries.
I came into this relationship with considerable baggage: some insecurities, but mostly bags stuffed full of my three children’s clothing and toys. M instantly became one of us. We were a family for the first time. ME! I was part of a real family, something I’d lacked for most of my life. This newness bonded me to him and him to me in ways that I knew would never change in any way other than the normal stretching and molding that comes with growth.
In December ’04, little Phoenix, who was at that time 8 tiny years old, turned to M and said “When are you and my mother going to Marry?” To this day Phoenix claims the prize that he chose the moment of the proposal. We were engaged during a commercial break of “Fear Factor”, wedged between people eating 100-yr-old eggs and the finale of being catapulted into 5000 gallons of horse manure. Epically awesome.
We married twice.
I was terrified to elope because of a comment from his mother years prior where she basically gave me the New Jersey look of death when explaining that she WOULD in fact be watching her oldest son exchange vows. Okay, alright … nooo problem .… However, due to being a woman and all that entails, our plans had to change. We wanted to enjoy our honeymoon, and we wanted to own our ceremony. This moment belonged to us. We needed that. So we eloped, honeymooned, came home, finished paying the deposit and finalized the larger-than-comfortable wedding ceremony taking place in just under two weeks. This worked out so well, having two weddings. We owned both. They were ours. We loved each other so much, we married twice.
Over the last few months with all the changes going on politically, I have been overjoyed (to tears at times), at the idea of watching some of the people I consider family contemplate their turn to have all the legal rights my husband and I enjoy. But mostly, because I get to see them get married twice.
Betsy Wilhelms
Spokane, WA
Betsy, thank you for sharing. My partner is featured on day 10, you should check it out. There are two things I loved about your story because they resonated so strongly with me. The first is the feeling of finally understanding love, which was incredible, but I guess you don’t know what you don’t know. The second is the feeling of being part of a family. Grant has a son with a beautiful girlfriend and I love spending time with Grant and them. It’s such a warm feeling. Congratulations to you both!!