We’re getting some profound advice from our neighbors to the north. Meet my guest for today’s Marriage Project:
As a Canadian, I am very aware of how extremely fortunate I am. Not only because Canada is a vast and beautiful country, populated with innumerable open-minded and generous people, but also because those same open-minded and generous people make it possible for me to marry whomever I choose. I am granted the same rights as all Canadians, and that is as it should be.
Had I met someone in Canada, fallen deeply in love, and thought worthy of marrying (or vice versa), there would be no trouble whatsoever. However, as luck would have it, I met and fell in love with an American woman. And while I could marry this wonderful woman here in Canada, that would require her to move here, and that is something I would neither ask nor expect of her. She has her responsibilities in North Carolina, a business to run and an aging mother to attend to. She takes her responsibilities very seriously, and I respect her for this.
She is such a loving, generous, fun, and funny person; I feel so fortunate, like the luckiest woman on the planet. I’ve never met anyone I can look at every morning, every night, every day, and think, Oh yes, you, I want to be with you, always. And yet we cannot be together every single day. I am painfully aware, on the days that I am with her, that I can only spend six months out of the year with her, and those six months must be spread out over the entire year.
I’ve met numerous people during my visits to North Carolina, too many to count, and all have been so very friendly, so very supportive of our relationship, understanding of our desire to be together, and basically disgusted with their government’s sometimes backward way of thinking and doing things. Some people are well meaning but rather clueless, and say blithely, “Well, you’ll be moving here then, right?” When we explain to them that that is (so far) impossible, and why, they are quite aghast, since they cannot conceive of such injustice, and rightly so.
The powers that be in North Carolina are attempting to introduce a bill that would deny same-sex couples the right to marry in that state. It’s up for vote in May of this year. This is absolutely shocking to me, in the year 2012, that people are even thinking this way, let alone actively trying to make it happen. What kind of people still actually think that such a bill makes any kind of rational sense? What kind of people still actually think that other human beings can, and should, be denied their basic constitutional rights, in the year 2012? It hurts my heart and my brain to even try to imagine such a person.
But even if this bill were not to pass, at the federal level same-sex marriage is not allowed or recognized, and so marrying in that state would not be enough to allow us to stay together indefinitely. And obviously, we’re shooting for indefinitely. And obviously, we are not the only ones in this situation. My heart goes out to every couple who finds themselves in this detestable situation, denied the right(s) that so many of those who are denying them that right take for granted. It shouldn’t be this be way. Equality should not be put up for a vote, or something hotly contested by politicians. It should be a given. Hopefully, soon, very soon, it will be.
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