The thing about privilege is that no one earns it. When I married a boy, the deference and seriousness everyone suddenly gave our relationship was confusing and phony. In a curious way, marriage is currently getting a facelift. The pursuit of equality means that people have to examine what they mean by the word ‘marriage’ and why marriage is worth fighting for. Meet my guest for today’s Marriage Project:
When I was a “straight” woman in a marriage that lasted 16 years, I was raised that you stick it out no matter what, be there for the kids, look over the shortcomings, forgive, even if it is an unhealthy relationship. I stayed and settled because I thought that was what you did.
My world flipped completely upside down 4 years ago. I met the love of my life, my soulmate, my heartbeat. It just happened to be she was a woman. I realized, when we began, that all the questions I ever had, all the weirdness I felt my whole life was crystal clear and I was meant to go through everything I had been through to get to this exact moment to be who I was meant to be. This woman completed me.
I asked her to marry me and I meant it. We pledged our love for each other and hoped one day we would be able to legally marry.
May 9, 2008 we received our domestic partnership, one year to the day later we pledged our love in a ceremony in front of our family and friends. Somehow though it just wasn’t perfect because even though we don’t need a piece of paper to say we are married I realized I needed that, just to say yes we are recognized, we are no different with our marriage than the straight couple next door.
Another thing that goes along with “marriage” is legal children. I took so many things for granted in my old life, like conceiving a child and automatically it was ours. Not in an alternative life. We conceived a child (twins) together. I was no less a parent than my partner was, but being the non-birth mother, I had so many things to go through before I legally could call our children mine too.
I guess what being married means to me is that we, my wife and I are recognized in the eyes of the law, our marriage is equal to the next person’s. We are looked at no differently and I can call her my Wife. We have every right allowed to us. That our marriage Is good enough and not a sham or a joke — that it’s not a consolation prize.
I love my wife. I love our children. I just want what is right, no more no less. Because when you find the one you were destined to be with you want everyone to see the happiness and love.
Lisa Wilson Wife to Maycie