The footnote is from her wife. And it’s perfect. Meet my guest for today’s Marriage Project:
My wedding story
I have always been accustomed to the idea of being a bride. I was,
after all, brought up in Utah. It was routine growing up there to be
focused on securing a husband. Preferably early. I am a good girl so I
married by 21.
I remember the wedding with discomfort. I couldn’t stop laughing. Not
in that “Oh this is the happiest day of my life!” way. Think more like
that uncomfortable tickle at the back of your throat when you are in a
quiet space. Knowing you should be still, but being unable. Imagine
giving in to the giggle, even as everyone turns to stare and eyebrows
raise. That was my first wedding.
My groom digging his hand into mine in an effort to shut me up. A
routine in our marriage. Shut me up, calm me down, tame me. Needless
to say, ours was not a happy union.
I constantly felt I was walking about with two left shoes. To feel
more at ease with myself, I went searching for who I was. This is a
long story but imagine much soul searching and wandering about lost
for – oh, about 5 years or so.
I woke up to myself while performing in the Vagina Monologues. There
is a little ensemble piece called “What Would Your Vagina Say?”
Apparently mine had been wanting to say “Psst … you are a lesbian.
Less than a month from that moment under the lights at The Met theater
I met her.
Oh man, I can’t even begin to describe her or my instant sure
knowledge of our rightness together, but falling in love with Cassie
was the easiest, most perfect plan I had ever been party to.
We merged families and destinies quickly. I flung headlong into love.
It wasn’t all pretty. My family was shocked. There was a little talk
that I was not fit to parent my two children (then 18 months and 4
years). It was rough, but somehow in that storm of family
disappointment and attitude adjustment, I felt calm.
After 26 years of always feeling backassward and wrong, with Cassie I
felt perfectly normal. I have always joked with her that she is my
sleeping pill. With her I fall asleep soundly and promptly, safe.
Before her I had never felt this way, it is how I know we have
something special. Something to celebrate.
After 10 years together and millions of giggles, 10,000 tears,
hundreds of struggles both minor and major and that ever-glowy, gooey
love, we now stand on the precipice of a day when our love might
finally become state sanctioned.
I am delighted, planning a ridiculous, ginormous over-the-top wedding.
I want to plan every detail, because I care. Because this will be my
first real marriage. Because we have earned it, my bride and I. We
have withstood so much disdain and homophobia to reach this place. And
we will now party in the most epic way. We will not make our love
small to keep society comfortable any longer. The happy brides are
coming and the grooms, too. Be ready with open arms and good dancing
(I love you, baby-love! This story brings me tears of joy. I really do
love you! Yep, it’s me; I read it! – Cassie)
1 thought on “Marriage Project, Day 7”
May you find continued happiness in all your dreams, and keep up the fight that society is insisting on inflicting on someone’s love, which is NO ONE’s business. You both are a fine example for all those how fight for their love, and human rights. Best Wishes