Othering

What do you do when someone intrudes on your boundaries? How big is your bubble? Chances are, your bubble is different from mine. And mine currently is different from what it used to be. In my twenties, it seemed perfectly reasonable for a stranger to approach me in a bar and put her hand on my thigh. I appreciated that kind of boldness. I tend to respond to direct inquiry much more readily than wishy-washy innuendo. These days, god help you if you put your hand on my thigh. And you had best not touch me in a bathroom.

I don’t have any problem throwing you the fuck off me. It has been years since a zealot tried to accost me with Jesus. Or some drunk felt I’d be happy to converse with him. In the old days, I said “no” and then explained myself. I’m saying “no” for this list of reasons. It’s nothing personal. Yeah. Actually it is. I am not a wall for you to lean against. Or a mouth for you to rest inside. Or a handhold of any variety. I don’t give a fuck that you’ve drunk too much and are saying things you’d regret if you had any chance of remembering them. I don’t owe you any explanation for my “no” — ever. That word, all by itself, is the end of it.

And that’s clear enough. But what about the rest of it? What about the friend who keeps getting her drama all over you? What about the coworker who cannot refrain from saying inappropriate things? What about those people who think commenting on your body is fine as long as their observations are complimentary? If something makes you feel weird, say so. It doesn’t matter if you can’t explain why it makes you feel weird, because you don’t have to explain it. You don’t even have to know why it makes you feel weird. Feeling weird is reason enough to say, Stop. Stop.

You are not obliged to accept anyone’s help. You are not a bitch for refusing to take gifts. Nobody who corners you has good intentions. I don’t care how long that person has known you. I don’t care what kind of rough time they’ve had. Your bubble is yours — whatever its shifting shape. If that means you don’t want men pacing behind you on the sidewalk, cross the street and don’t feel guilty. If that means you set your bag next to you on the bus and don’t share a seat, then take up your space. It’s yours. Your space belongs to you alone.

1 thought on “Othering”

  1. It’s fricking incredible the lengths to which we will go to not be confrontational. To not hurt people’s feelings or have them think we are strange, rude, overreacting, etc. I’ve given people a lot of permissions; it’s the good southern girl thing, I suppose. I find myself compensating like this all the time, but you’re right: why do I owe you an explanation if you make me uncomfortable?

    Tangentially: Denmark is famous for its good little soldiers. They are fascinating. Sometimes I wondered, if I fell off my bike, would anyone stop. God forbid they make it worse by acknowledging my embarrassment.

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Jill Malone

Jill Malone grew up in a military family, went to German kindergarten, and lived across from a bakery that made gummi bears the size of mice. She has lived on the East Coast and in Hawaii, and for the last seventeen years in Spokane with her son, two dogs, a hedgehog, and a lot of outdoor gear. She looks for any excuse to play guitar. Jill is married to a performance artist and addiction counselor who makes the best risotto on the planet.

Giraffe People is her third novel. Her first novel, Red Audrey and the Roping, was a Lambda finalist and won the third annual Bywater Prize for Fiction. A Field Guide to Deception, her second novel, was a finalist for the Ferro-Grumley, and won the Lambda Literary Award and the Great Northwest Book Festival.

Giraffe People

Giraffe People

Between God and the army, fifteen-year-old Cole Peters has more than enough to rebel against. But this Chaplain’s daughter isn’t resorting to drugs or craziness. Truth to tell, she’s content with her soccer team and her band and her white bread boyfriend.

And then, of course, there’s Meghan.

Meghan is eighteen years old and preparing for entry into West Point. For this she has sponsors: Cole’s parents. They’re delighted their daughter is finally looking up to someone. Someone who can tutor her and be a friend.

But one night that relationship changes and Cole’s world flips.

Giraffe People is a potent reminder of the rites of passage and passion that we all endure on our road to growing up and growing strong. Award-winning author Jill Malone tells a story of coming out and coming of age, giving us a take that is both subtle and fresh.

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A Field Guide to Deception

A Field Guide to Deception

In Jill Malone’s second novel, A Field Guide to Deception, nothing is as simple as it appears: community, notions of motherhood, the nature of goodness, nor even compelling love. Revelations are punctured and then revisited with deeper insight, alliances shift, and heroes turn anti-hero—and vice versa.

With her aunt’s death Claire Bernard loses her best companion, her livelihood, and her son’s co-parent. Malone’s smart, intriguing writing beguiles the reader into this taut, compelling story of a makeshift family and the reawakening of a past they’d hoped to outrun. Claire’s journey is the unifying tension in this book of layered and shifting alliances.

A Field Guide to Deception is a serious novel filled with snappy dialogue, quick-moving and funny incidents, compelling characterizations, mysterious plot twists, and an unexpected climax. It is a rich, complex tale for literary readers.

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Red Audrey and the Roping

Red Audrey and the Roping

Occasionally a debut novel comes along that rocks its readers back on their heels. Red Audrey and the Roping is one of that rare and remarkable breed. With storytelling as accomplished as successful literary novelists like Margaret Atwood and Sarah Waters, Jill Malone takes us on a journey through the heart of Latin professor Jane Elliot.

Set against the dramatic landscapes and seascapes of Hawaii, this is the deeply moving story of a young woman traumatized by her mother’s death. Scarred by guilt, she struggles to find the nerve to let love into her life again. Afraid to love herself or anyone else, Jane falls in love with risk, pitting herself against the world with dogged, destructive courage. But finally she reaches a point where there is only one danger left worth facing. The sole remaining question for Jane is whether she is willing to accept her history, embrace her damage, and take a chance on love.

As well as a gripping and emotional story, Red Audrey and the Roping is a remarkable literary achievement. The breathtaking prose evokes setting, characters, and relationships with equal grace. The dialogue sparks and sparkles. Splintered fragments of narrative come together to form a seamless suspenseful story that flows effortlessly to its dramatic conclusion.

Winner of the Bywater Prize for Fiction, Red Audrey and the Roping is one of the most memorable first novels you will ever read.

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